so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
