3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
