Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
