About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
