i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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