I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
