I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
