I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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