Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
