This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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