i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
