So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
