omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
