U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
