Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
