I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
