My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
