It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
