All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
