I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize