Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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