he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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