She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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