Sry I called you an 8
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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