So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
