she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
