margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
