I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
