peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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