Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize