Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
