I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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