Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
only you would photoshop your dick
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
