$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
