I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
