I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
