He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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