so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if only i could text you this smell
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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