I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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