I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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