Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
