Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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