He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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