That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
