I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
