who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
