the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
