are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
