The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize