He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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