You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
