his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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