my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
