Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
