Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
