If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
