OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
