She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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