I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
