WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
