someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
