I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
