i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
